Five Guys Peanuts
Wanna know the best way to enjoy Five Guys’ peanuts? I’ll tell ya!
First, it’s important to note that the free peanuts at Five Guys are there for patrons to enjoy while they are waiting for their food to be served. Since it takes 5-7 minutes for a standard burgers and fries order to be prepared, the original Five Guys (The Murrell brothers and their dad Jerry) decided to set some peanuts out for people to munch upon. This is great for those who are hungry, and need some nourishment as their food is being prepared.
If you wanna see just how much people will take a good thing and then abuse the hell out of it, then you need to look no further than the free peanuts at Five Guys. For some people, ‘free’ means that they are FREE to abuse the entire system. They ask for brown bags, so they can fill them with the peanuts that were meant for in-house consumption, as if this is supposed to be part of the take-out process.
There are signs on all the peanut boxes at all Five Guys locations, that clearly state that the peanuts are meant to stay in the stores. There is a very good reason for this, and it isn’t necessarily because the franchise owners want to save money, although I’ll be the first to admit that there is some motivation in this direction. The notices are located near the peanuts nutrition information on the boxes.
No, the reason is that peanut allergies are serious business, and by letting guests remove the peanuts from the stores, they are then liable for any contact those peanuts could make with people who have allergies. Think about it in the same light as a bartender who serves too much alcohol to a patron, and then that patron is involved in an alcohol related car accident later in the evening. The drunkard should have been kept on the premises, rather than being allowed to roam free and cause external damage to society at large.
The metaphor works on some levels, yet it’s a bit over the top on others, I’ll admit, so cut me some slack. The point is, leave the peanuts in the store, and don’t try to remove them. Hell, how much do peanuts cost in bulk at the local supermarket? $1 / lb.? Enjoy the peanuts while you wait for your food to be served, and leave it at that. Many customers treat the kindness of the franchise as a right rather than a privilege. Get over yourselves, you aren’t that important.
It’s also important to note that not all Five Guys locations even have peanuts. Any of their restaurants that are connected to high traffic establishments, like shopping malls, won’t have them available, and do you want to know why? Because too many people would drag the nuts into the mall area, where they could potentially come into contact with those who are allergic. Are you at all familiar with peanut allergies in general? You should look them up, they are nasty business, and can lead to Anaphylactic shock. Read all about it right here! Or, do a Google search for ‘peanut allergy symptoms’ if you think I’m just blowin’ smoke.
Now, on a lighter note, let me share some Uber-annoying Five Guys peanut anecdotes…
-On several occasions, people have been seen taking the peanuts into the bathroom to munch on while they do a sit-down job. How F—‘in gross is that?!
-The most annoying customers are those who can’t even wait until they’ve ordered to start stuffing their faces; they eat the nuts while they are in line, then dump their waste on the floor like they are at a Lone Star Steakhouse, and spit them all over the place as they try to chew on them as they speak their order… Are you F—‘ing serious? Are you that much of a slovenly douche-nozzle, that you can’t wait until you’ve ordered and are seated, before you start cramming nuts down your… peanut-holes?!
-Many people ask about purchasing boxes of peanuts to take home with them? Seriously? The peanuts you will find at Five Guys are no better than those you can buy in bulk from your local grocer. In fact, those from the market will cost much less and will taste at least as good, if not better.
-Also, the peanut oil is not for sale, so don’t ask. Peanut oil is frackin’ expensive, so buying it at above-retail prices from a restaurant is just plain ol’ stupid anyway. Think before you ask silly questions. Is common sense a thing of the past, now that we’ve entered into the fast-paced digital, instant gratification stage of human history?!
-People who toss their peanut shells on the floor need to be strong-armed, to put it mildly. There are no signs that say it’s okay to act like a slovenly dolt, just because you saw somebody do it at the local steakhouse. If you see an employee walking around with a broom, cleaning up after all the slobs who drop their shells on the floor, then common sense should dictate that tossing the shells isn’t the norm at this particular establishment, right?! Think, people!
The free peanuts at Five Guys are there for your enjoyment, so by all means take advantage of the kindness. But, don’t abuse the privilege, and yes it’s a privilege. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that human beings should act like civilized folk, even if others allow them to get away with far too much in their otherwise crappy and meaningless daily lives…